Greatest Regret and Greatest Gift

Lets start big! I have regrets! Yep mistakes of things I have said or done. But I think I have one really  big regret. Something that has a wonderful and beautiful ending, as well as being something I have promised I would never do again.

When we moved to Muncie three years ago I thought maybe we should have a baby. Why not? Josh had a steady job, insurance and well, that's the next step right? Now I didn't go off the pill and not tell Josh or something, that's well... mean to your husband. But what I did do was talk about a baby a lot, and then for good measure talked some more. I talked about how much I wanted to be a mom and mention how wonderful Josh would be as a dad. I tried to make Josh see that this was the next step in our life. I begged. I pleaded.

In the moment did I see that Josh just wasn't ready for that next step? Maybe a little. Did I notice that I was pushing, begging, pleading? Yeah some. Did I stop? Nope.

Now, I say all this and you're maybe asking what's so wrong? Well, we had just moved 11 hours from any family, we had only been married a little over a year and he just accepted his first real job. There were lots of changes, arguments and tears. But  I honestly thought a baby would help on the big life changes we were having . Haha, like a baby isn't a life change!

Josh finally agreed and five months later I was pregnant! Nine months later Cadence Michael was born.This beautiful blue eyed baby changed our lives in a crazy and unexpected way (more on that later).

About six months ago I went to Josh and apologized for pushing him (I think I surprised him) I always knew that I pushed to hard for this and also knew that it was unfair to Josh. After saying sorry I also promised him that I would never do it again. I want him to be excited about adding to our family. I also told him I will tell him when I am thinking about another baby, but that I will need the thumbs up from him. I love my husband too much to make that mistake again.

Please understand that this regret had a wonderful outcome. The regret is not Cadence but the way I went about it.Having a baby was an amazing, awe-filled moment for us. To just see another part of our awesome God and the tiniest details he has created. God does give us things we don't think we can handle but if we lean on Him we can get a grasp on it.

This is my greatest regret with the greatest gift!